either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
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