I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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