you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
