How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
