The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
