my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
