Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize