We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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