I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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