you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
