My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize