I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
