I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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