I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
