I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Randomize
