Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She's like a pop up book from hell.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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