he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
