I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
