I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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