We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
