goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
