I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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