I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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