I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
