I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
True strength comes from lack of pants
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
