so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize