last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
