I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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