Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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