my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
