Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
