Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize