I love black thongs
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
