how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
