I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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