I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
