Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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