well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
