apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
