Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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