you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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