Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
