there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
zippers are such a cool invention
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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