I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He kissed a someone with a penis
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize