my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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