erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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