he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize