When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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