I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You dont lie about slip and slides
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
