What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
