My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
