We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
