can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
