You're so nebulous sometimes
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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