i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
