Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
