Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Send help, water and tortillas.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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