so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
