Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
