I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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