we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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