He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
