but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
