Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
