I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
