I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
