she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
