you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
