she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
