Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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