you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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