He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
