Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
