just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
