and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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